Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
