hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize