I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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