she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
