he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
