the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
