I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
