Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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