So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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