Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
