do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
