the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
