We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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