Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
