I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
