i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
