Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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