The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
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why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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