does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This toilet bowl is my home.
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