Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
