My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
