My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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