It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
