I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
