I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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