Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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