So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and she was petting her beer can
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
