I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
