grandma shit on top of the toilet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
be right there i have to get my cape
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
