i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
