I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
