My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
