Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
