New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
