I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
