He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
