I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
