i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
