Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
