why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
