It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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