Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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