It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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