I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
