69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Boobs speak an international language.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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