And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
