I wish I could punch you in the face.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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