I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
