And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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