just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
