Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
