You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
