I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
