She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
