can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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