He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize