yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
