I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
