he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
