I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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