I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
