12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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