You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
