I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
