the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
