She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sorry about my life...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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